When we were young and afraid but still we loved
by laurennjenks
Summary: A series of shots seen through the eyes of Remus Lupin, and those eyes that remind him of the times when he was young and afraid but he loved and was loved. Wolfstar.


**A/N: Writing for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition  
**

**Position: Chaser 1**

**Team: Wigtown Wanderers**

**Challenge: Writing about Chaser 2's favourite pairing (Wolfstar)**

**Prompts: (word) Memory**

**(word count) 1825**

**(quote) "People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't." - Christopher Paolini, Eragon**

**...**

"Calm down, Sirius. They'll be here any minute!"

"Can't help it if I'm excited to see my god son!"

"Well when you do, try not to pee on the floor."

Sirius scowled at Remus. Peter sniggered. They were all waiting expectantly by the front door of Lily and James' new place. Remus had hung a banner up that said 'Congratulations! It's a Boy!' in the doorway behind them. Sirius was pacing around the room like an impatient child.

"What time did they say they'd get here?" Sirius asked again, for close to the fifteenth time.

"Sirius! For the love of Merlin! They'll be here soon, just sit down!" berated Remus, exasperated.

He placed his hands on Sirius' shoulders and firmly pushed him down into the armchair. Sirius sighed and began tapping his foot. After ten minutes of listening to this, it finally got to Remus.

"Sirius please!"

Just then, they heard a key turn in the front door. Sirius jumped up out of his seat. The front door opened revealing Lily.

"SURPRISE" they all shouted.

Lily was taken aback for a moment, but then smiled when she saw the banner behind 'her boys', as she fondly called them. And now, she would have somebody else to add to 'her boys'.

"How did you even get in?" she asked, a smile creeping on her face as she looked at Sirius in particular. Remus thought that she looked exhausted.

"You're forgetting that we're the Marauders Lilypops." replied Sirius with a wink. "Well, where is he?"

Without responding, Lily stepped aside, allowing James to come through the door holding a small bundle of blankets. Lily took the blankets from James and crossed over to Remus. She showed Remus how to support the baby's head and Remus sat down with Harry in his arms. Remus looked down at the tiny little bundle. He had a mop of dark hair and the tiniest little fingers, with which he grabbed on to Remus' own fingers. Remus looked over to see Peter laughing with Lily and James hugging Sirius; he smiled and returned his gaze to the little baby in his arms. Sirius crossed over to him to look at his godson. Remus saw that Sirius' eyes widened. He looked hypnotised by Harry.

"Come here Sirius."

Remus got up and allowed Sirius to take his place on the armchair. Sirius' eyes never left Harry. Remus passed over the baby and Sirius cradled the little boy to his chest. The little boy gripped onto Sirius' shirt, which made him grin.

"Damn he's got a good grip. Definitely going to be a Quidditch player." Sirius laughed.

"Oh no Black, he's barely a day old, you are not starting him on Quidditch already!" Lily chimed in.

"Well it's never too young to start.." began James, earning a punch on the arm from Lily. Everyone laughed except Sirius, who was still smiling at the child in his arms.

"Hey little man. I'm your godfather," he whispered.

As if Harry had understood what Sirius had just said, the little boy opened his eyes and stared at his godfather. Sirius gasped. He had been on the wrong end of those piercing green eyes many times at Hogwarts, but he thought they had never seemed so beautiful as they did under that mop of dark hair. Remus crossed the room and sat on the arm of the chair. He saw the look of awe and unconditional love on Sirius' face. This child was so lucky. He had not only his parents, but also his godfather, and two uncles who would do anything for him. Remus placed a tender kiss on the side of Sirius' head.

**...**

The first few weeks of Harry's life, Sirius was hardly ever at home with Remus. Instead, they both spent an increasing amount of time at James and Lily's house. Sirius would spend all of his time playing with Harry, cradling him in his arms, telling him stories. Harry always seemed to perk up and gurgle a lot more than normal (according to Lily, and much to James' dismay) when Sirius was around.

Sirius was sat on the living room floor blowing raspberries onto Harry's stomach. The little boy had screeched laughter. Sirius stopped and looked at his godson, shock etched upon his face. Lily and James (who had been making spaghetti in the kitchen for them all) rushed into the room.

"Did he just..?" spluttered Lily. Remus grinned at his nephew.

"Awh come on! How come Sirius gets him to do everything?" moaned James. James sighed with an exasperated smile. "Padfoot, do whatever you did again, I want to hear my son laugh again."

Sirius obliged. Harry roared with laughter again. James, Remus and Lily all laughed and clapped. Lily walked over to Sirius and took Harry in her arms.

"Who's my clever boy?" she cooed. She kissed him on the head. Sirius stood up.

"Clearly your kid likes me better Prongs," said Sirius smugly, winking at James.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever Padfoot," replied James, pulling him in a headlock and messing up his hair.

Remus laughed. James may be a father, and they all may be fighting a war, but James and Sirius were still the same big kids they were at Hogwarts.

Lily placed her son in a highchair.

"Come on you lot, dinner," she called.

"Lils, Peter isn't here," James reminded her. As James said it, the front door swung open to reveal Peter, as if James had just summoned him by magic.

"Sorry I'm late," he muttered. Remus noticed the bags under his friend's eyes. It wasn't like Wormtail to not get enough sleep. He loved to sleep. Heck, in Hogwarts he was either pranking or sleeping. Remus frowned and reminded himself they were still in a war, and the war had put a lot of strain on everyone. Despite this, he pulled his friend aside.

"You okay Pete?" he whispered.

"Yes Remus, everything's fine," Peter spluttered nervously.

"I know it's been hard, especially with Marlene and everything last week," said Remus slowly. Peter had always had a crush on Marlene McKinnon, and Peter was bound to take her recent death hard.

"I said everything's fine Remus." Peter brushed his friend off, walking over to take a seat at the dinner table. Remus sighed and sat down next to Sirius, who squeezed his knee and smiled.

**...**

It was a few weeks before Harry's first birthday. Remus and Sirius Apparated into Lily and James' front garden just behind the hedge.

"Are you sure this is a good idea Sirius? Lily is going to kill you." Remus asked him for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Moony, for the last time, it's a brilliant present. And if we want Harry to be the star of the Quidditch team when he's older, we have to train him as early as possible."

Sirius tucked the package under his arm tapped his wand on the door in a sequence. The lock clicked and he disappeared through the doorway. Remus followed him. He found Lily in the living room; she promptly crossed over to hug Remus and squeezed Sirius on the shoulder. Remus could hear a voice coming from the corridor.

"Say Daddy! Come on Harry. Da-dee."

Remus heard a giggle in response as James walked into the room holding baby Harry.

"PAFOO!" screamed the little baby, reaching out to Sirius. Sirius took the baby from James' arms with a smug grin on his face.

"Come on Prongs, you know I have always been able to get him to do anything. I bet Daddy will be his next word," Sirius said, trying to calm the frustration in his best friend's face.

"MOO-KNEE"

"For the love of Merlin!" sighed James, watching his son reach out and feel Remus' stubble. Lily laughed and kissed James tenderly on the cheek.

"What did you bring Sirius?" asked Lily, raising her eyebrows.

"Early birthday present for the little man," he said cheerily, bouncing Harry in his arms. He put Harry down on the floor and sat with him. Sirius helped Harry pull off the brown paper wrappings to reveal a shiny Nimbus-mini broomstick.

"SIRIUS!"

**...**

Later on that night, Remus was lying in bed with Sirius. The wolf was curled up into the dog's arms.

"What is it Sirius?" Remus whispered, not opening his eyes.

"Nothing," Sirius responded. "Go back to sleep."

Remus opened his eyes and stared up at Sirius. Those stormy grey eyes were mesmerising, but they revealed the sadness and fear that Sirius refused to wear on his face.

"Talk to me Sirius," Remus said softly, placing his hand on Sirius' cheek. Sirius closed his eyes and felt the warmth of Remus' hand.

"I can't.. I mean, what if.." mumbled Sirius. Remus leaned forward and rested his forehead against Sirius'. They both closed their eyes.

"You're leaving on a mission for the order tomorrow. James, Lily and Harry have to go into hiding. Something weird is up with Peter but he won't talk to me. Everything is falling apart, Remus. I'm scared that we're not going to get through this. I'm scared I'm not going to be enough to fight this war; to win this war." Sirius sat up and looked away from Remus. Remus followed suit.

"Sirius, look at me." Remus grabbed his face and turned it to face him. "I remember when you were scared in your first days Hogwarts, so utterly worried that James and the rest of us would no longer like you when we knew who your family were. I remember you being scared of failing your O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's because you thought that you would fail just like your parents said you would. And I remember you being scared when James asked you to be Harry's godfather, because you were terrified of having someone look up to you."

"I was not afraid," muttered Sirius. Remus raised his eyebrows. "Yeah well you have an annoying habit of remembering things you shouldn't."

Remus smiled.

"Remember how utterly afraid you were back then, and you got through it. You told us who your family were, you aced your exams and you're an amazing godfather. I know that this is different, that this is war, but we will all get through everything the same way we always have. Together."

A tear ran down Sirius' cheek and he cupped Remus' face in his hands. He pulled Remus towards him and as their lips met it wasn't about frustration or joy or wanting each other. That kiss was about reassurance and the promise that they could get through anything.

**...**

These memories came flooding back to Remus now, as he stared into those piercing green eyes. The little boy had now grown into a young man, and those eyes no longer recognised him as they once had. He smiled sadly.

"Eat. You'll feel better," he said to Harry, handing over the chocolate. Harry's small smile reminded him so much of James.


End file.
